They say any writer should be able to sum up the purpose of their book on the back of a business card. I can do that for this book by using another author’s book:

The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change. If you want your child, spouse, client, or boss to shape up, stay connected while changing yourself rather than trying to fix them.

As with most ideas and relationships, it is no coincidence that the above was written by Edwin H. Friedman, in his masterful book A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. I read Friedman’s book back in the summer of 2007 because my good friend and colleague, Ed Kless, highly recommended that I do so.

When you work with someone as much as I do with Ed you begin to understand what they believe (not just what they know), as well as who has had a deep influence on them. I knew Howard Hansen was Ed’s mentor for many years, but I had never had the opportunity to meet him.

Then, almost exactly four years to the day that I read Friedman’s book, I had the great good fortune of meeting not only Howard, but also his friend, colleague, and collaborator, Steven Geske. We were all presenting at a conference, so I took advantage of the opportunity to sit in on Howard’s and Steven’s presentation on Emotional Triangles—one of the most powerful and profound ideas I have ever encountered in terms of dealing with human relationships.

The circle was closed when I learned that Steven actually knew the late Dr. Edwin Friedman, the author quoted above that had such a transformative impact on how I began to think about leadership. Little wonder that Howard and Steven dedicate the book you are now holding to Friedman, and acknowledge that his book has been their “leadership bible.”

That day, they made the same point in their presentation as they do in this book. The trend they see everywhere is a rise in anxious toxicity that is blocking success in business. Increase anxiety and you will lower creativity, innovation, and effectiveness. Worse, most of us turn to leadership books, gurus, courses and other quick fixes that are not at all effective. They teach techniques, but there is no lasting change.

Healing Leadership takes a totally different approach, and one that is not very comfortable for those of us used to reading business books. How many books on leadership have you read where the central message is: you can’t succeed at affecting change in the people you lead? That you need to get out of the business of needing others to change? The authors even admit they won’t get rich by dispensing this type of advice.

Rather than assaulting the reader with endless platitudes and checklists of “do this and don’t do that,” this book advocates a “way of being,” recognizing that leadership is an emotional process, not a mechanistic science that treats humans like machines.

You are about to explore some very profound, powerful, and simple concepts. But please don’t confuse simple with simplistic. Virtuoso bass player, accomplished pianist, bandleader, and composer Charles Mingus said: “Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that’s creativity.”

Three creative concepts from Healing Leadership have permanently altered not only my worldview, but my behavior. The authors present the “Energy Management Model,” which teaches how we could have greater success in achieving our goals if we tried not so much to control time—an impossibility, as it is outside us—and instead tried to control energy—eminently possible, as it is within us. Commitment is best measured not by the time one is willing to give up, but more accurately, by the energy one wants to put in, by how present one is.

You’ll learn the difference between episodic and chronic anxiety, along with the 10 telltale signs of someone who is chronically anxious, and what to do about it.

Finally, the concept of Emotional Triangles—what the authors call “the weather of human relationships.” This framework ties everything in the book together, while offering an enormously effective way to lower your anxiety. After reading about Emotional Triangles you’ll wish you had understood them in elementary school.

But don’t confuse simple with easy. These frameworks are very counterintuitive, and they will no doubt cause some confusion. Don’t’ despair. That’s a leading indicator that your understanding is deepening. You simply must wrestle with the concepts in this book if you want to achieve real change—transformations that will truly make a difference in your life. Indeed, the struggle and bewilderment might be the most important part of this journey.

One of my favorite definitions of the role of leaders comes from business consultant Peter Block: “The real task of leadership is to confront people with their freedom.” In Healing Leadership, Steven and Howard do exactly this. It’s not comfortable—it’s vexing, and it goes against everything you were taught in business school. The difference is: it works.

Enjoy and good luck.

Ronald J. Baker, Founder

VeraSage Institute (www.verasage.com)

Author, Implementing Value Pricing: A Radical Business Model for Professional Firms; and Mind Over Matter: Why Intellectual Capital is the Chief Source of Wealth.